MortVark-O-Rama

Typewriters

2009-05-23T03:03:00.001-07:00

Get Ready for Summer

2009-05-22T18:18:00.000-07:00

Nothing says summer is here like a special message neoprene beer cozy for $1.50.

Backward Running Man

2009-03-22T01:25:00.000-07:00

This fellow might look like he's going forward in a picture, but I assure you - he's running backward! Often spotted around Fairfax & 3rd, he runs backward - sometimes mumbling to himself. If an observer is lucky, he may shout a nonsensical comment their way. I'm not too clear on what the reason might be for the backward locomotion - does it use some secret muscles only exercised in reverse direction? Does he not want anyone sneaking up on him?

[Backward Running Man is not to be confused with Short Blue Shorts Man]

Singing Polar-Dog-Bear?

2009-01-10T21:35:00.001-08:00

Found at Ralphs. No price tag and no indication of what it is. From the microphone we may infer that it does some sort of song and dance if the activation button is located and pressed...

Foggy Night in the Miracle Mile

2009-01-01T02:48:00.001-08:00

Hohoho...

2008-12-25T01:01:00.001-08:00

Where's the nog?

2008-12-16T22:13:00.000-08:00

Anyone else notice a shortage of eggnog on shelves this winter?

Vigilante or Socipath?...

2008-11-11T22:57:00.000-08:00

I'm walking through the parking lot across the street from work - I notice a fellow get out of his car and start walking ahead of me, in the same direction I'm heading... He's one of those generally nondescript people, save for a very red T-shirt, dark aviator sunglasses and somewhat of a large blobby tribal type tattoo peeking out form under this left sleeve. We cross two lanes of cars and I'm thinking about tattoos.

He's about ten yards ahead of me and seems somewhat twitchy - looking around as if someone were following him. I chuckle to myself wondering if he thinks I'm following him since we are heading in the same direction... Suddenly he stops, looks around for a few seconds and cuts to his right between parked cars. Does he really think I'm tailing him?...

I about five feet behind him at this point - I notice him fidgeting with something in his hand. Is he hallucinating that I'm a deceitful troll following with nefareous intentions and preparing to stab me with a magical object?... Am I the paranoid one now?

He fiddles with something in his hand some more - I realize it's just keys! Quickly he scrapes the car he's standing next to - a nondescript gray Ford Mustang with no visible stickers or decals - once, a long swipe the length of the passenger door and one shorter swipe at the back fender. I can hear a loud screech - the scrape definitely went through the paint. The fellow doesn't look around and just keeps walking with a bit of a satisfied gait in his step.

I'm stunned for half a second. It seems so totally random - he could of just as well dropped his pants and shat next to the Mustang - it would have made just about as much sense in this context.

I was tempted to catch up to him and ask just what the reason was for keying that particular car - was it vengeance for a parking spot stolen from under his nose? Does he hate new Ford Mustangs? Did voice in his head command him to do it? I thought better of it and instead followed him across the street and for another half block till I entered the air-conditioned, security guard monitored [with locked down elevators] cocoon of my place of employment.

"Lots of fucking weirdos roaming the streets", I thought to myself as the elevator took me to my second floor office...

Gravestone Photo

2008-09-08T02:57:00.000-07:00

Guglielmina Chiaffarelli
1899 - 1913

Yay! DNC & RNC Conventions are over!

2008-09-06T00:49:00.001-07:00

Both the DNC & RNC conventions were stomach churning for me - each for it's own set of reasons. They only things that made 'em bearable were The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. Distilled in each thirty minute episode was more truthful analyses of what happened each convention day than I heard on radio or saw on TV... Almost without exception it was as if the media was purposefully ignoring the Naked Emperor scratching his genitals.

This clip from The Daily show has been making the rounds - I've gotten it from several people and even Sen. Barbara Boxer is sending it around... If you missed the two-fisted tag team Stweart/Colbert coverage, you can find it at TDS's Indecision 2008 & The Colbert Report.

RNC: Village Mob in the Schoolyard

2008-09-03T20:04:00.000-07:00

Driving home from work the radio was on and Rudy was whipping up the crowd into a frenzy - I didn't realize it was him at first... And now, sitting on the couch and watching [Sarah]Palin give her speech via C-SPAN I have the same impression I instantly got in the car. The Republicans have taken on an diametrically opposed character to that of the Democrats.

Watching this, it seems like a bizarre hybrid between the despicable girl in junior high running for president of the class and an ugly village mob.

They're stupid and ugly, so you should never vote for them!
They smell and look funny! They're probably foreign... I'm smart and pretty and proper.

No substance, no facts - just pointing and making fun of the opponent.

The crowd, taken in, laughs at every joke regardless of whether it's utter nonsense. Whipped into a frenzy, group think is in full force - with pitchforks and torches they would gladly burn the farmhouse of the only doctor within a hundred miles because he's been fingered as a witch... You know, with his scientific method and all, trying to cure the plague... Which after all, is going against God's will.

It's rather fascinating that the two parties are trying to present opposing images of what America was, is and could be. Unfortunately, if one wipes the lipstick that's been slathered on each pig, it doesn't take too much rubbing to see that there's still a porker beneath.

And again, another election cycle will pass with the American people being hoodwinked into putting their hard earned capitol into swampland development - assured that it will make them money for nothing in no time at all... They will only enrich the robber barons.

DNC Buzzword: Infomercial

2008-08-26T01:17:00.000-07:00

[Normally I don't comment much on politics save for in private, but 'tis the season...]

Starting last Friday, the word I've heard over and over used to describe the Democratic National Convention 2008 in Denver, Colorado (and the Republican National Convention 2008 in Minneapolis, Minnesota coming in a couple of weeks) is Infomercial... perhaps you've heard it too. It seems to be the buzzword and the sad thing is that it's accepted as being the way things just are - more akin the the ego stroke of the New Year's Day Tournament of Roses Parade than any serious political convention. What's the point? Perhaps in the election cycle of 2012 all the pretense can be shed. The DNC & RNC will fund their "conventions" with 100% corporate sponsorship and something useful can be done with the our tax money that is currently given in addition to corporate payola. Furthermore, instead of news channels pretending this is anything more than a celebrity red carpet event and that there's serious news to be covered, the DNC & RNC can just buy commercial airtime like any other infomercial and leave the news for actual news worthy items.

A More Poignant President...

2008-07-25T22:49:00.000-07:00

These two fellers running for president are like damp moldy towels - which one smells worse is a matter of perspective... Think about it, can you back either of them 100%? 75%?... 50%? How low are you willing to stoop grasping at straws?

Woodlawn Cemetery - Santa Monica, CA

2008-07-23T23:39:00.000-07:00

[Vance "See Ya" North & Lois "Go away I'm sleeping" North]

A couple of clever grave markers found at Woodlawn Cemetery in Santa Monica, CA. The cemetery holds some real gems in the way of upright headstones. Small enough to thoroughly explore in one day yet containing numerous examples of upright headstone types and styles from the turn of the 19th Century through early-mid 20th Century when uprights fell out of favour...

Twilight Zone Marathon...

2008-07-04T19:51:00.003-07:00

The Twilight Zone marathon is a staple of holidays - mostly I remember it being a Thanksgiving Day tradition... But today it's a 4th of July run on the Sci-Fi channel... A Twilight Zone marathon while celebrating the birthday of our country is a rather poignant thing. Every episode a commentary on the 20th Century psyche of the United States - the hopes, contradictions, musings, daydreams, wickedness, despair, paranoia, kindness... the list can go on and on. It's all there in a nutshell, under thirty minutes per episode.

The Twilight Zone is also a collective experience. Discussion of favourite episodes is always an entertaining way to whittle away some time - and usually leads to discussion of other worthwhile subjects. Most - other than the old - first experienced The Twilight Zone as kids in the form of daytime TV reruns, probably after getting home from school - in the block of time when there used to be no daytime "talk shows" or other crap programing produced as cheaply as possible on every channel. That's how I experienced it and that's how almost everyone I know did - in different cities and at different times...

The details of my initial viewings of The Twilight Zone are probably a little different than most. As a latch-key kid I would get "home" from school - I loosely call it "home" because it was a rented garage... I would warm up some prepackaged thing in the toaster oven and turn on the TV. Not speaking a word of English, most TV shows would not hold my attention except for The Twilight Zone. Thinking back, I don't remember the episodes with sound - the narration and dialogue probably sounded like a bunch of gibberish, but that didn't matter - I didn't have to know what was being said to understand the meaning. The images are so well thought out that I could follow the story just by watching - just like reading a well put together comic book in a foreign language - if it's done well, you don't have to read the words to understand 75% of the story. Some stories were creepy some were fascinating, but always they were absorbing.

At some point I began to understand English - I'm not sure if it's the pictures that taught me what the words meant or if it was necessity, since no one I associated with, except for my parents, spoke my native tongue... it was probably a combination of both. As I started to understand the words, a whole other level of subtelty to the stories was unlocked - which I still enjoy every time I watch.

Whenever the Twilight Zone marathon is on, there's something compelling to leave it on - even if only in the background. A quick glance at the screen and most of the episodes are instantly identifiable, bringing memories of the story line - compelling one to sit down and watch. It's somehow comforting to know that every year for a major holiday, when TV people aren't around to mind the station, some channel will run a marathon because it's easy and cheap. When this Twilight Zone holiday marathon tradition ceases a remnant piece of the 20th Century will also cease.

The Twilight Zone Museum
The Twilight Zone on Sci-Fi Channel

Dog PEZ?

2008-05-22T22:36:00.000-07:00

It doesn't happen in Los Angeles.

2008-04-24T23:53:00.000-07:00

There's the myth that in Los Angeles one bumps into movie stars at every Trader Joe's or walking to the ATM one bumps into Sid Caesar. Perhaps the dreamers who don't live here imagine themselves driving through a parking lot in the San FernandoValley and seeing the members of Love & Rockets standing around after exiting a Red Lobster. I'm saying, this doesn't happen! Stop dreaming! Don't believe the hype! One can't just look out the window of their office and see filming in process going on... One of the most absurd musings would be to imagine that one would almost run over Kevin Bacon standing in the street "scouting" a location when driving one's hearse to work in the morning...

[If you want to see some photos of the real Los Angeles, go visit The Jimson Weed Gazette.]

LAFitness

2008-04-22T21:15:00.000-07:00

LACMA 2007.12.28

2008-04-18T00:09:00.000-07:00

[SoCal: Southern California Art of the 1960s and 70s from LACMA's Collection]

The Beast

2008-03-10T01:08:00.000-07:00

The Beast is hungry - a villager offers a child in hope of not having their hovel burnt, food stocks pillaged and livestock raped.

When the Best hungers - the Beast is unstoppable.

I took this photo quickly and sprinted off - not wanting to attract the Beast's attention. It's is said that men have turned to stone under the disapproving gaze of the Beast.

eDoodling (?) - Doodling In the Post-Electronic Age

2008-03-03T01:39:00.000-08:00

A friend has discovered the joys of the cell phone and sending pictures with it - I guess I'm the lucky recipient on an almost daily basis. These three showed up yesterday. I have no idea where they're from, but I suspect they had something to do with what he was doing in the morning. I thought about putting them here as just an image - but in reading a blog post, Requiem for a doodle, they sparked a thought.

Perhaps the multimedia message through the cell phone is the new doodle - I wouldn't know if the kids are doing it because I don't really know any (kids, that is) - but perhaps they are. It's not quite the same as sitting in a classroom - eyes about to glaze over - and with pen in hand, doodling whatever comes out of the subconscious - yet, in some ways it can be. The images snapped are not random and something has compelled the individual to take them and send them off to friends or family or perhaps upload them to a website, instantaneously. Doodled thoughts that used to end up in a drawer somewhere, maybe now are posted for all to see - those that would take an interest to anyhow - on the web.

In school the only thing that would keep my eyes from glazing over during a lecture delivered in a monotone voice was to doodle - I must have pages and pages somewhere. I still doodle in work meetings - it actually helps me concentrate on what is being said. I also carry a cellphone with a camera - one of the features that sold me on the particular model is that I can use it with one hand and it doesn't look like it's in use. I take snapshots of things that catch my eye whenever possible. The two (doodling and the e-snapshot) are not the same, but they are perhaps linked in that the mind is trying to capture, express and preserve a thought. Maybe.

Sunbathing in a Parking Lot

2008-02-25T23:42:00.000-08:00

As I traversed the parking lot across the street I noticed these two people - apparently sunbathing - against the south east corner of the CitiBank at Fairfax & 3rd. There was no homeless gear to be seen stashed anywhere. One of them looked like they were trying to nap and the other was either lighting a cigarette or a crack pipe. Curious. At least they weren't naked.

Oscar's Red Carpet or The Day After

2008-02-24T15:25:00.000-08:00

There ain't much on the TV on a Sunday afternoon - since I'm home doing a bit of relaxing and have the TV on there are a couple of choices at 15:00. Watching the red carpet pre-show of the Oscars or watching The Day After on Sci-Fi channel.

I was in elementary school when The Day After came out (1983) and I didn't watch it, but I remember kids the next day talking about it and being really freaked out about the possibility of nuclear war. By that time I think most Americans had come to their senses and realized that all out nuclear war was not survivable for anyone living anywhere but in the most remote of locales - and certainly, a city like Los Angeles - which still had a considerable manufacturing base for the defense industry - was right at the top of the targeting list...

I remember doing emergency drills, but not anything specific for a nuclear attack. The air-raid sirens (which can still be seen around Los Angeles, but are not disconnected) did go off a few times for tests, if my memory serves me right.

Though the rhetoric that had everyone on edge during the Reagan Era is not present anymore - the count of nuclear warheads stockpiled is still just as lethal - and in this case, out of sight out of mind is not a good thing. No nukes is good nukes...

Vehicle Under Duress

2008-02-18T13:28:00.000-08:00

[vehicle was located on Hauser Blvd. just north of Wilshire Blvd. next to Ralphs]

The facts of the vehicle in question are self evident - what I wonder is whether the vehicle was abandoned, spray painted and then booted or was it booted first and an angry owner decided to spray paint and abandon it?...

Oh yeah... WGA Strike is over.

2008-02-14T00:26:00.001-08:00

Indeed, the WGA strike is over.

Here's one of the nicest guys you could meet on a picket line - Lieutenant Jim Dangle (Thomas Lennon). Thomas Lennon and his writing partner, Robert Ben Grant (Deputy Travis Junior) were the only two "famous" people I was impressed meeting during the strike.

Back & Forth

2008-02-14T00:21:00.000-08:00

Amazed by Stuffed French Toast

2008-02-06T23:47:00.001-08:00

Kevin is so amazed by his first encounter with Swinger's Stuffed French Toast (stuffed with cream cheese & topped with fruit) that he feels the need to document the plate for posterity.

Kevin - Thinking Hard

2007-12-23T22:13:00.000-08:00

The thought of having to do jury duty coupled with the pressures of a strike may just be enough to push him over the edge... Will it?

In the van...

2007-12-07T00:19:00.001-08:00

...down by the river.

Would you send your child off in a van advertising "The Man Plan" on it's back door?
Just saying - something don't seem right about it.

He Made Me America!

2007-11-01T03:15:00.000-07:00

I decided to drop by Stephen Colbert's I Am America (And So Can You) website... and as the URL promises, he made me America (after registering of course...)!

It's a very clever website with plenty of opportunities for YOU to interact.

Submit a video of you reading of a portion of the book!
Submit photos of your sightings of the book!
Sign the petition to get Stephen Colbert on Oprah's book club list!

It's your duty as a patriotic American to help Stephen Colbert out! What are you waiting for? GO NOW!

[Don't forget to buy his book!]

The World Is Safe...

2007-10-29T00:34:00.000-07:00

Hazel Prepares for Halloween

2007-10-12T22:39:00.001-07:00

After Halloween comes her favourite holiday - Thanksgiving... She gets her own dinner plate (with all the fixins) and there's always leftover meat for about a week to take her pills with instead of the usual cheese slice.

Peculiar Product - Toxic Waste [candy]

2007-10-07T23:03:00.000-07:00

"CAUTION: Consuming more than one within a brief time may cause irritation to mouth. Sensitive individuals should not consume this product."

If I were a kid, this warning would sound more like a dare to me.

Perusing the package I spotted a URL for the Toxic Waste Hazardously Sour Candy website - it's actually pretty masterful in it's kitschy design with colour and little noises on the buttons. Check out the "On the Tube" section where you'll find links to "eater submitted" videos where kids make faces, squirm and gag as they put the Toxic Waste into their mouths. The packaging also says "Manufactured for Candy Dynamics" which made me wonder where the hell this is actually made - my first thought was China - but further reading of fine print said "Made in Pakistan"... This truly is a masterfully conceived peculiar product.

Burbank Road

2007-09-25T00:22:00.000-07:00

[Ryan Hopeless & Rich Bitch @ Burbank Airport 1991 - photo:AArtVark]

Sparklets vs. Arrowhead

2007-09-14T23:10:00.000-07:00

I was driving to work one morning - heading down my residential street - when I came upon this. A face-off between the Sparklets Man and the Arrowhead Man. The two were out of their trucks, each standing next to their respective vehicles. I was kind of hoping to see them lunge at each other - locking hands around throats - settling the question of which water is more pure like real men - with a fistfight to the death! No such photogenic luck... As I passed between the trucks I noticed they were yucking it up about something - perhaps about how the bottles are filled with tap water?...

Ingrid Newkirk of PETA on behalf of bullies?!?

2007-09-01T00:12:00.000-07:00

Originally posted @ HBO's Real Time With Bill Maher forum in regard to Ingrid Newkirk appearing on the August 31, 2007 show.

Ingrid Newkirk of PETA on behalf of bullies?!? Are you kidding?
Posted: Sep 1, 2007 2:51 AM (271 of 272)

I am shocked that out of all people possible you picked Ingrid Newkirk of PETA to speak on the Vick/dogfighting topic - in the eyes of rescuers and those that are the boots on the ground trying to give a second chance to these most abused, abandoned, slandered and misunderstood dogs, Ingrid Newkirk and PETA are no real friends.

As far as I am aware, PETA SUPPORTS BREED SPECIFIC LEGISLATION (BSL) targeted at criminalizing the ownership of all dogs perceived as "pit bulls". The statement on their website does not address the fact that BSL will only drive the fighters and breeders underground and make it impossible for new adoptions to responsible and loving homes. BSL rarely (if ever) "grandfathers" in existing dogs. If as PETA states they support BSL just for the spay/neuter component, then why not work to put a law into effect for ALL breeds (with mandatory registration of breeders and those who do not alter their dogs for breeding)?

PETA has never been at the forefront of finding homes for discarded bullies or speaking up in their defense. Now that there's attention to be gained from the Michael Vick media frenzy it seems that they're trying to elbow past all the people that have been doing the real work... Where has Ms. Newkirk been for bullies before now?... Speaking against "the breed" is most likely where.

Using the PETA BSL logic, all the bullies rescued from New Orleans (and there were many, some of which made it on the news as poster dogs for the rescue efforts) should not be accepted into foster homes in other cities and would have to be euthanized regardless of temperament, age or anything.

Perhaps PETA should stick to their more lucrative mainstays of fundraising, like naked movie stars in fur stores, and not try to leech publicity and money from those that have put in years of work at no personal profit in order to really advocate for bullies and their rescue.

If I am somehow wrong, how about having a discussion about this on your show at some point and challenging the allegations? Here are some from Diane Jessup. Though her allegations are pretty strong, they don't seem to be too off the mark.

I must say that I have been pleasantly surprised by the ASPCA and the great efforts they have gone to explaining the realities of bullies and now are actually doing something to help the dogs seized from Michael Vick's farm instead of trying to capitalize on his "repentance". I was wondering if Ms. Newkirk head heard the same lame Larry King Lite contrition that I heard coming out of Vick's mouth.

I believe that you, Mr. Maher, are indeed able and willing to give bullies a fair chance, so why not have a true advocate for their cause on your show?

ASPCA Elaborates on Pit Bull Evaluations - Announces Bad Rap as Partner

BAD RAP SF

Diana Nyad - Vick Off the Mark

Hearse & Funeral Collections - Not That Weird

2007-08-28T23:10:00.000-07:00

Collecting hearses and funerary objects is not that weird in comparison to Sigurdur Hjartarson's Phallological Museum in Iceland. Listen to CBC's interview on As It Happens. [It's either at the end of part one or the beginning of part 2...]

Penis Museum Duration: 00:06:00

"It's one of a kind -- the Phallological Museum in Iceland. But still, the world's only penis museum has not yet managed to secure even one of a specimen of which there are billions. There is no human phallus on display... despite the wishes of Sigurdur Hjartarson. He's the curator of the Icelandic Phallological Museum and we reached him in Husavik, Iceland."

Pass the Bonaduce on the Left Hand Side

2007-08-26T20:49:00.000-07:00

Living in Los Angeles makes it inevitable that at some point, somewhere, you will recognize someone famous while doing one of the mundane tasks of life.

[I must admit, while living in the San Fernando Valley I saw more famous people I recognized than I do now, living in Los Angeles proper...]

My sighting is a simple one. Pushing a cart out of Trader Joe's at LaBrea and Third I almost ran smack into Danny Bonaduce as he got off his Harley motorcycle. He stared at me, smiled and nodded his head in recognition. Not sure why, it's not like I was winding up to say something to him... But I s'pose that's good manners on his part and I gave him a nod back. Seemed a pleasant enough fellow as he walked by - though I do wonder what he was going into Trader Joe's for.

I know - this would be much better if I'd taken a photo of his motorcycle...

[Sorry for the lame title, but it amuses me. I'm sure some of you will get the cultural reference.]

The Mummy Congress

2007-08-19T18:24:00.001-07:00

[The Mummy Congress: Science, Obsession and the Everlasting Dead by Heather Pringle - 2002, Fourth Estate]

A great book for those that like non-fiction and/or mummies. Read my review at the Night~Doings [News & Reviews] blog.

Evacuation Drill

2007-08-18T22:22:00.000-07:00

Just what I needed my first day back at work from a despicable time in Amarillo, TX - an evacuation drill! At least the employees have the reassurance of knowing, in case they should need resuscitating, one of these fellows might very well be the one to give 'em mouth-to-mouth and pound on their ribcage...

[See the action videos => Safety Officer - Safety Officer II ]

Note To Self RE: Amarillo

2007-07-29T08:48:00.000-07:00

Never, ever, under any circumstances stay in Amarillo - even if you have business there. There are other options. The unpleasant nature of the people, which by far outnumber any that are decent human beings will sooner or later turn your stay into shit.
[Details to follow...]

It's Not Los Angeles

2007-07-25T17:58:00.000-07:00

Photo says it all...

Local Character - Diana Ross

2007-07-12T20:55:00.000-07:00

Not sure what his/her name is nor the back story - there's probably a good one, right? He/she definitely has some sort of Diana Ross image thing going and sashays through the Fairfax & Third intersection almost on a daily basis. Perhaps an actor looking to be discovered?

Rules of the Road

2007-07-11T14:10:00.001-07:00

If not followed, rules of the road are but suggestions....

Edgy LA

2007-07-09T20:12:00.001-07:00

I'm irritated. Perhaps it is because today has seemed a bit irritating in general - nothing specific, nothing earth shaking - just general malaise about the state of the world at large. I was looking at some posts during work, hoping for a few minutes of informative distraction before I dove back under the paperwork and I came upon this at LAist.com Dear Laist: Building Facades? - It seemed like an interesting question to me and I was looking forward to finding out the answer, so I read on... only to read an attempt at cleverness that read like a flippant answer. Seeing that there were comments to the post I decided to have a look further lest I be mistaken and the question was indeed a disingenuous one - what I found was both rewarding commentary and idiotic drivel.

First the good. There was this comment which was very informative and provided excellent links to the answer for the architectural question... Also, there were some pretty good general comments of support in opposition to the idiocy.

Now the irritating. I get to the end and find this vacuous bit of babble.

u dummies. antis answer was actually a cleverly written play on the in yr face, cheap pop-art influenced architecture that loren k asks about. living in LA is about having a killer attitude. its in the rawkstar faces and spicy corn and strong ass smoke. yr supposed to be a city full of assholes. if u wanna be "nice" go back to indiana.
[15] Posted by: guest | July 8, 2007 7:09 PM

Normally I would just mutter "idiot" under my breath and move on - but something about this in addition to the original post got me to thinking about verbalizing my thoughts.

There are those out there - not just in Los Angeles, every city has them - that are all so cozy in their smarmy smugness of savant pronouncements upon the truth. They know everything and are the final judges about what's hip. If they say something idiotic then they play it off as being contrarian - ducking for cover under the "on purpose idiot" defense. [Don't you get it?!? My stupidity was for the benefit of stimulating your thought! You're stupid for not getting it!] So what are the particulars in this case that irritated me?

The lame, can't be bothered to write or spell English correctly "leading edge" formatting that says, "I'm one of the new wave! I'll catch you on the flip side with my Blackberry!" If one can't be bothered to formulate thoughts cogently about something, they should reconsider whether their thoughts are worth expressing in the first place.
Not knowing what the hell they're talking about - the question is clearly not about something "pop-art influenced", but throwing "pop-art" without knowing what "pop-art" is/was will add hipster gravitas... It's just like name dropping at a party and equally as lame.
The pronouncement of authority on what "LA" is - which reads to me like it was written by a rodent who got their cultural reference of Los Angeles from watching reality TV and other image marketing campaigns of what Los Angeles is supposed to be in order to market the image so they can sell a product or simply re-sell the image.
The last fragment, "yr supposed to be a city full of assholes" is not inclusive of the poster, indicating that after all the bullshit, they do not consider themselves to be an Angeleno... and thus achieving closure of their circle of ignorance.

On the other hand, perhaps this post is all a well crafted ruse, explicitly designed to get someone like me thinking about Los Angeles and the ignorance exhibited about it as an actual place and it's actual inhabitants. Perhaps the ultimate goal in the long run is to make me question myself and realize that I know some, but not all there is to know, because Los Angeles is many things on many levels - simultaneously.

After Midnight Walkies

2007-07-06T01:21:00.001-07:00

One gets to see all sorts of interesting things when going for walkies after midnight. We prefer the after-midnight - the temperature is cooler, it's quieter, the air seems fresher and the occasional person encountered from afar is generally more interesting.

Tonight, for example - four houses north, on the other side of the street. I head out the door with Hazel and there are headlights, stationary. It's about 00:30. The car makes it's way past us and turns onto the main street... As we walk past the spot we hear some talking. At the head of the driveway across from us is a girl (woman?) crumpled on the concrete and she's just puked - there's a puddle glistening in the moonlight beneath her chin. What appears to be her mother is saying, "Don't worry about it and come inside. I don't want you to get your hands in it." The crumpled person mumbles something about being sorry and then retches again. Hazel just stands and stares - she's annoyed at the unseemliness of the spectacle. From the silhouettes we assume that this is either either a teen aged daughter or one of college age - she's wearing a sweatshirt and jeans... Out of school on summer break and perhaps catching up with some chums... who drop her off on the curb in a debased state of drunkenness. I think to say something just to reassure Hazel, who is standing still and staring - ears pricked up, eyebrows switching back and forth in an up and down fashion - bewildered by the behaviour - but I don't... Best not embarrass the neighbours more than need be (I've never talked to them, nor have I, if seldom, ever actually seen them) - what if it's a medical condition and she was out for a wholesome, stimulating game of Scrabble? Perhaps she's just had an epileptic fit?... We walk off into the night. There's a cat somewhere down the street that needs motivation to move off the sidewalk.

Some months ago, again with Hazel, we rounded the corner from our block onto a slightly larger street. A newly refurbished apartment building is across - just done up in anticipation of higher rental rates during this time of shortage in suitable living space. Just having done a bit of sniffing, we are both startled by the call of "JOHNNY! Johnny, I RUV YOU!" Indeed, a woman is in the street and shouting this. Is it inebriation? Is it the dementia of love sickness? Who knows - but our pleasant walk has been disturbed by screams for Johnny... Who the hell is this Johnny? Why, if indeed he is home does he not be a responsible citizen and come out and face this woman and spare the rest of his neighbours the sounds of her shrieks? Loud shrieks followed by what appears to be Korean mumbling... The only intelligible parts being, "JOHNNY! Johnny, I RUV YOU!"... A woman scorned and insulted is not a pleasant thing after midnight. On our way back we notice that there's now a man leaning against a car trying to calm the woman. He wears a very nice suit and is well manicured - something reminiscent of a John Woo film. He is clearly not Johnny as the woman still looks up periodically and screams for Johnny. Hazel looks across the street and then back at me - all I can do is shrug my shoulders and whisper to her, "crazy people". We round the corner, back to the peace of our own block.

Klaus is much more preoccupied with his sniffing duties - nose to the ground, cataloging what might have traversed through the neighbourhood. When we come upon strangers wandering the night, he gives them the EYE... Stares over his shoulder at them till he is assured that they are walking away. Then, with ease and nonchalance, he turns back to what he was previously doing and I can almost hear him say, "I thought not. Punk ass bitch..."

All in all, things are pretty quiet at night and it's calm. Being in a neighbourhood where there are lot of neighbours with dogs, who like to walk them, as we've found out while walking during the day - we do not much appreciate being barked at by other's dogs, especially when we are minding our own business. Generally the behaviour of others is undignified.

Bus @ 01:06

2007-07-03T13:36:00.001-07:00

Klaus helped me take this photo...

Rick's Burgers - Pasadena

2007-06-16T21:08:00.001-07:00

I was introduced to Rick's late one night after using somewhat toxic adhesives to glue together the cardboard packaging for the Best of Flipside Vinyl Fanzines 2 CD compilation (chances are pretty good that if you own one, I touched it)... After folding, gluing and inhaling fumes for hours hunger set in - Smith and Al decided on the particulars of where and that's how I was introduced to the spuderito... A wonderful, starchy concoction that hits the spot with the proper amount of tasty sustenance no matter what the circumstance. I have some very fond memories of working with Al on the fanzine and taking a break for lunch or a late night snack and going to Rick's - it was and still is the same thing every time for me - one spuderito, one bean tostda and a vanilla shake.

I don't know how Rick's Drive-In came to mind this year. Maybe it was a discussion between me and Tomme about where to take the dogs for a drive... I googled Rick's and discovered that it's going to be shut down for the same reason as a lot of places in the Los Angeles area - land prices are at an all time high and most old places are being put out of business for "redevelopment", which generally means one of two things... A new building that will make far more money for the owner (mixed-use high density is really fashionable now) or terrible boutiques and franchise places. Since learning of the imminent demise we've been trying to make it out there whenever possible for a Sunday drive. The dogs enjoy it and it tastes good.

I discovered the clips below on YouTube...

Someone's home movies of the spud... somewhat goofy narration, but you get to see the spud.
Rick's Drive-in - "The Spuderito" Part I

Rick's Drive-in - "The Spuderito" Part II

This is something that was filmed at Rick's... You might recognize the folks behind the counter if you're a Rick's frequenter.
Silent Drums (excerpt)

Bad cop, no doughnut...

2007-06-11T12:09:00.000-07:00

There was no sign of any other vehicle that may have caused this... Looked like maybe someone was going a little too fast and made a hard left turn from Tampa Ave. onto Sherman Way Blvd. and right into the palm tree.

Songs Appropriated - Pogues' Sunnyside of the Street

2007-06-01T21:31:00.000-07:00

The latest song I've noticed appropriated for a TV car commercial is the Pogues' Sunnyside of the Street. It would seem absurd enough to have this band, legendary for drinking, promoting a good time behind the wheel of any car... But the juxtaposition of the happy, clean, nuclear family going through their morning routine (or "ritual") before jumping in the family car and getting on their way to school and work is an excellent contrast to the actual lyrics of the song - the first verse of which is included in the full commercial. As is typical, no one will remember anything of them except for the "sunnyside of the street" part, which they'll happily hum to themselves over and over and over...

Watch Cadillac - Morning Ritual

Read the lyrics:

SUNNYSIDE OF THE STREET

Seen the carnival at Rome
Had the women I had the booze
All I can remember now
Is little kids without no shoes
So I saw that train
And I got on it
With a heartful of hate
And a lust for vomit
Now I'm walking on the sunnyside of the street

Stepped over bodies in Bombay
Tried to make it to the U.S.A.
Ended up in Nepal
Up on the roof with nothing at all
And I knew that day
I was going to stay
Right where I am, on the sunnyside of the street

Been in a palace, been in a jail
I just don't want to be reborn a snail
Just want to spend eternity
Right where I am, on the sunnyside of the street

As my mother wept it was then I swore
To take my life as I would a whore
I know I'm better than before
I will not be reconstructed
Just wanna stay right here
On the sunnyside of the street

copyright 1990; Shane MacGowan & Jem Finer
S.MacGowan - vocals / S.Stacy - whistle / J.Finer - Banjo, lap steel / T.Woods - mandolin / P.Chevron - acc. gtr. / J.Fearnley - accordion / D.Hunt - bass / A.Ranken - drums / B.voc: D.Hunt

Purchase the Pogues' music or get out your old LPs or cassette tapes and have a listen - LOUD! It's great stuff!

1963 Mini

2007-05-15T14:10:00.000-07:00

Need more of these on the road in Los Angeles and less Hummer limos...

Dope Dental Bling

2007-05-09T17:06:00.000-07:00

Sitting in the "chair" having my teeth scraped and being forced to listen to hist of the 70's seemed one of the most sadistic things possible - I had to keep myself from laughing at the absurdity of the situation with every terrible song that came on the overhead speaker. What cretin would enjoy listening to the Bee Gees lounging back in a dentist chair?

I'm sitting there trying to distract myself with some sort of thoughts and suddenly it comes to me. I'd heard something a week or so ago about the "posse" being yesterdays news and a sign of worn out has been-somebodies... Perhaps that's because the posse doesn't contain outlandishly useful persons distinguished from other posses... and I have the perfect thing. Prove yourself wealthy and an individual of means... So decadent, yet prudent and smart.... Get yourself a personal flosser!

Now, for one that is really flaunting the wealth, having a straight flosser in the posse is the ultimate. Someone that does nothing but carry dental floss in their pocket and gives the old pearlies a good flossing after every meal, every snack and sometimes just or the hell of it. Now, for those more practical, a personal dental hygienist on hand with a satchel of picks as well as floss and perhaps a battery operated polisher is the way to go...

Think about it - it might just be the way to show off your wealth, power and sense of self worth.

Mechanical Fun

2007-05-06T21:13:00.000-07:00

Life In Los Angeles - Clownwhig Man

2007-04-16T14:50:00.000-07:00

Guy wearing a clown whig asks me for seventy five cents, specifically, because he wants to buy a TV dinner... I give him a quarter and take his picture.

Irritating TV - House & orifices...

2007-04-09T22:56:00.000-07:00

Flipping through the channels, every now and then I let the clicker rest on House - It seems like a slightly above average show at times... One thing I have noticed however - and maybe it's just luck of the draw as I'm not a regular viewer - but almost every episode has someone bleeding from an orifice... and usually it's their anus. Sometimes it's the mouth and the anus. For all I know I just haven't been tuned in at the right time to see someone bleeding from the nose, ears, mouth and anus simultaneously... Does someone on the writing team have a fetish for bleeding orifices?

Los Angeles loves a good FIRE!

2007-04-03T22:11:00.000-07:00

Los Angeles loves a good brush fire - it's kind of a love/hate thing. Everyone hates getting their house burnt down, but at the same time the majority of people - the ones not in any danger of having their homes burnt down - get all excited and rush to watch the plentiful news coverage. This year promises to be an active one if sparks are provided... Like in the case of the two teenage firebugs from Illinois who caused the March 30th fire on the Valley side of the Hollywood Hills...

It's the first time that I've noticed everyone with a digital camera taking photos and immediately emailing them to everyone in their address book or posting to a blog... I can't say I'm not guilty of taking photos of fires - there's something mesmerizing and primal about the cloud of smoke. This is a composite I put together from cell phone snaps - one floor below the location Kevin took his from. [Friday Fire In L.A.]

A Dirty Job: A Novel

2007-04-03T01:59:00.000-07:00

[A Dirty Job: A Novel
by Christopher Moore - 2006, William Morrow]

Christopher Moore seems to love putting the mystical, fantastical and improbable into his novels - while at the same time providing the detail and feeling of the real world to such and extent that the reader forgets the improbabilities and sinks into the story. I would highly recommend his books to all who love satirical tales which involve the supernatural.

Charlie Asher finds himself dealing with death in a highly personal way as he tries to navigate life as a widower and father of a newborn daughter while accepting the fact that he's also been recruited to be a Death Merchant. This tale had me chuckling from the very beginning with poignant insight such as this from page 19:

Charlie hadn't really counted on killing a guy that morning. He had hoped to get some twenties for the register at the thrift store, check his balance, and maybe pick up some yellow mustard at the deli. (Charlie was not a brown mustard kind of guy. Brown mustard was the condiment equivalent of skydiving - it was okay for racecar drivers and serial killers, but for Charlie, a fine line of French's yellow was all the spice that life required) [...]

If this brief, yet masterful parable isn't enough to convince you of Moore's prowess with words and truth, here's another example - a description of a 1957 Cadillac Eldorado Brougham.

The 1957 Cadillac Eldorado Brougham was the perfect show-off of death machines. It consisted of nearly three tons of steel stamped into a massively mawed, high-tailed beast lined with enough chrome to build a Terminator and still have parts left over - most of it in long, sharp strips that peeled off on impact and became lethal scythes to flay away pedestrian flesh. Under the four headlights it sported two chrome bumper bullets that looked like unexploded torpedoes or triple-G-cup Madonna death boobs. It had a noncollapsible steering column that would impale the driver upon any serious impact, electric windows that could pinch off a kid's head, no seat belts, and a 325 horsepower V8 with such appallingly bad fuel efficiency that you could hear it trying to slurp liquefied dinosaurs out of the ground when it passed. It had a top speed of a hundred and ten miles an hour, mushy, bargelike suspension that could in no way stabilize the car at that speed, and undersized power brakes that wouldn't stop it either. The fins jutting from the back were so high and sharp that the car was a lethal threat to pedestrians even when parked, and the whole package sat on tall, whitewall tires that looked, and generally handled, like oversized powdered doughnuts. Detroit couldn't have achieved more deadly finned ostentatia if they'd covered a killer whale in rhinestones. It was a masterpiece.

A Dirty Job is a perfect gift for someone you know who drives a hearse and loves to read - I know because I do both.

They called a Pillow Fight...

2007-04-01T20:18:00.000-07:00

...and those that came were rousted. In the case of this fellow who showed up displaying a little bit of spirit wearing PJs, he was promptly cuffed and arrested. I hope the LAPD didn't waste my tax payer dollars to actually run the guy in and book him for trespassing.

This is a great example as to why nothing ever really happens in public spontaneously in Los Angeles - except for riots and earthquakes - because for the most part, public places are on privately owned corporate land which is administered without a sense of humour. The terrible band cranking out cover tunes about twenty five yards from where the pillow fight would have taken place was more of a nuisance than a spectacle of pillow fighters could have been.

However the Grove got the word, they took it pretty seriously, treating the potential "threat" as they might a terrorist attack on their Sunday money earning potential. I counted at least three LAPD uniformed officers, several of the white shirt Grove security (with forest ranger hats), two goofy looking dudes that seemed to have walked off the adjacent CBS lot having finished shooting some cop show... They were bald, goateed with dark suits and sunglasses... As if that weren't sufficient, there were some gray shirted fellows from the Farmers Market security, a couple of "undercover" Grove security guys in shorts and T-shirts... and some sort of official Grove executive type that had a name tag on. Anyone showing up would not have known to take the back way to the Abercrombie & Fitch clock tower so they would have to run the gauntlet from the west end of the Grove or come out of the parking structure.

I spotted a few people that looked like they were there for the event. A few with pillows in shopping bags made it to the spot only t be immediately rousted, but not cuffed like Mr. PJs. One genius actually walked up to a security guard and asked what the deal was with the pillow fight and that he was there to cover it for a blog... Way to go, stealthblogger...

Everything seemed to wind down in about half an hour and I assume that most people called their compatriots and spread the word of impending doom for anyone showing up with a pillow... Another typical Los Angeles style fizzle.

330 LBS CAPACITY

2007-03-27T00:13:00.000-07:00

Ten years after Volcano...

2007-03-13T00:50:00.000-07:00

Fog

2007-02-28T23:10:00.000-08:00

I like taking pictures in the fog...

Blimp Sighting!

2007-02-27T23:26:00.000-08:00

We need more blimps (and zeppelins) floating around in the skies. I had hoped that the current Zeppelin company in Germany would have made inroads in using their heavy lift ships to transport cargo in the US by now...

Look at thinkle, on the go...

2007-02-20T15:22:00.000-08:00

The sign on the back of this vehicle caught my eye... Why would someone need mobile urinalysis? Is it for the sick that are bedridden and require frequent testing for toxins? The website seems to be bare bones and has a bit about knowing for sure about loved ones... Do these people show up at homes and tackle a teen forcing them to tinkle in a cup under their watchful eye - quickly going to the back of their Ford Escape (kind of ironic choice of makes...) and return with a highly scientific analysis?... It doesn't surprise me that there would be a market for something like this as there are plenty of places where demand is on the rise - schools, businesses, etc... Would you submit to an impromptu "test" especially if you knew that nothing to turn up that is illegal or questionable - is it any ones business what is in your body even if there's nothing there save for the necessary elements to sustain life? Think about it as it may come up sooner or later.

Peculiar Product - Candy Inhaler?!?

2007-02-15T15:26:00.000-08:00

I'm standing in line at a pet store - waiting to pay for a large Kong, some Busy Bones and three bags of Liver Snaps - when I notice this at eye level to my right. What the hell is it? At first I thought maybe it was some sort of breath freshener for dogs, but it was next to a box of Skittles, which may indicate it's for human consumption. Are people now to lazy to chew and prefer to inhale their sweets? No - I didn't purchase one.

Kafkaesque - 2.0

2007-01-30T18:01:00.000-08:00

There are things one sees every day that burn themselves on the back of the eyeballs. Here's a view of one. Oh, the drudgery.

Crisp Kringle

2007-01-25T17:08:00.000-08:00

eXtreme begging

2007-01-18T15:05:00.000-08:00

*

2007-01-08T00:04:00.000-08:00

The Last Record Store

2006-12-24T21:42:00.000-08:00

Shopping Is Patriotic

2006-12-18T11:31:00.000-08:00

Worried about being forgotten?

2006-12-08T02:36:00.000-08:00

If you're worried about being forgotten after you've turned to dust, here's an idea:

• Monogram your garbage bags and/or place a calling card in the bag that's made of something that will biodegrade very very slowly.

At some point in the future someone might just be going through your refuse thinking of you.

Everyday Sightings

2006-12-07T15:10:00.000-08:00

La Pieta

2006-11-30T14:39:00.000-08:00

Irritating Human Behaviour - 1.0

2006-11-28T17:21:00.000-08:00

I decide to walk across the street to K-Mart to procure a small space heater and a bottle of bleach. I could drive to a more civilized place, but I'm not into the holiday traffic.

As I head towards the heaters in the basement there's an old woman cancelling the purchase she just made and the store guy's trying to explain to her that since she bought whatever it was on credit it would be refunded in credit, not actual money. This doesn't seem to be sinking in.

Looking at the open cash registers I notice that a few employees are keeping the lights off on their registers in order to avoid being so busy. Which to choose? The register where the employee is absent and customers scan the store for a sign of their return - or - the register with the woman with the overflowing cart of paper products... Toilet paper, paper towels, paper napkins... The rule in these places is that no matter how good the situation in a line might look, you're damned no matter where you go. I go one register over and start whistling Dixie - not figuratively, actually, whistling Dixie...

About four feet in front of me is a podgy boy of about five or six - unnaturally podgy - grabbing onto his sisters head with both hands - she looks to be about four - and he keeps mumbling something that sounds like, "Brains! Brains!" He does this over and over.

What I assume to be their "parents" are just a couple of feet in front of me. The father is podgy as well and seems to be sporting some sort of greasy mullet variant. He is holding what looks like three or four packages of bed linens. The wife, silent, looking depressed is very much pregnant.
Have these people ever heard of birth control? They don't look like overly devout Catholics or like freaky evangelists.

The parents take no notice of what I assume to be their children. They have some sort of whispered exchange and the bemulleted one throws the packages of bed linens on the floor and walks for the door. The children are still busy playing whatever zombie pretend game... The wife kicks the packages back in line and stands there. The mullet heads back.

At this point I'm wondering if I'll have to head with witnessing some base display of domestic violence.

It's their turn in line and the mullet puts the packages up on the counter. The UPC codes get scanned and the wife pays for the goods. They walk out the door and I start to put my stuff on the counter. The little girl is still standing there leaning against the counter staring in the direction of her presumed parents. It takes her fifteen or twenty seconds to realize they've gone out the door and finally walks off after them.

I hear the beep of my UPC code being scanned. "Would you like the extended warranty for and extra $4.95?"

"No thanks."

Hangin With Bush

2006-11-27T09:43:00.000-08:00

I had a dream last night that I was walking down a leafy tree lined street. There was an unruly mob going somewhere and I decided to have a look where they were going. Apparently it was an anti-war protest and they were going to the White House...

The mob gets there and crashed through the gates and proceeded inside. I took some stairs 'round the back to get inside as it seemed less crowded and ended up in a room face to face with GW. A good portion of the mob was there chanting about something or other, but not taking any notice that the object of their derision was right there...

I noticed that Barney was in the room and so was my mother-in-law... The best course of action seemed to be just to play with Barney. I was just thinking about telling GW just for the record that because I was playing with hid dog didn't mean I didn't think his policies were daft - but I woke up before I got around to it.

Welcome

2006-11-16T13:48:00.000-08:00

Please, have a seat.

Dogs 43A&28A

2006-10-30T01:00:00.000-08:00

Have you noticed?...

2006-10-14T19:44:00.000-07:00

The LED's that auto anti-theft alarms are using are now blue instead of red.

Another day at the office...

2006-10-12T17:45:00.000-07:00

Synchronicity of the Rake

2006-10-05T02:54:00.000-07:00

Walking the dogs tonight I spotted two forgotten rakes within six or seven houses on the same side of the street in approximately the same place in front of each house.

What are the chances of two diferent gardners forgetting their rakes on the same street on the same day? The odds against it are staggering!

Oh, that's the spot!

2006-09-26T12:51:00.000-07:00

You know you've gotten the right amount of Novocaine when your nostril is numb and your lower eyelid is tingling...

Docs @ Woodlawn

2006-09-10T22:12:00.000-07:00

No, this shot wasn't set up.

NPR Letters- Real Surreal

2006-08-24T19:34:00.000-07:00

It's kind of surreal to turn on the radio just as Robert Siegel is reading ones letter on NPR's All Things Considered.

Letters: Pluto, and a Cemetery
All Things Considered, August 24, 2006

Each Thursday we read from listeners' emails. Pluto's demotion from full-fledged planet to "dwarf planet" has brought in a lot of letters. We hear your creative suggestion of a new status for Pluto. Also, comments on a mixup in a cemetery, and new lyrics for the old musical "The Fantasticks".

Listen Here

My letter here.

alces alces & H2O

2006-08-22T01:11:00.000-07:00

Irritating Intrusion 3.0 - John Wyatt of Cinespia on NPR

2006-08-19T22:07:00.000-07:00

TO: All Things Considered
SUBJECT: ATC 08.18.2006 - Movies Under the Stars, Surrounded by Tombs

I happened to be listening to the above referenced piece last Friday and there was one thing which stuck out like a vandalized headstone in the cemetery.

Ina Jaffe interviews John Wyatt who's been running the Cinespia movie screenings at Hollywood Forever for five years. If in this time he had bothered to take an interest in learning a bit of the history of the cemetery the first thing out of his mouth would not have been, "This is Hattie McDaniel's Grave."

I don't feel I'm being knit picky and perhaps neither shall you after I point out the following.

The marker at Hollywood Forever is a cenotaph, a monument erected in honour of a person whose remains lie elsewhere. The reason for this is that even though it was the expressed wish of Ms. McDaniel that she be buried at the Hollywood Memorial Park (now Hollywood Forever) the previous owner Jules Roth had a policy of not allowing burials of African-Americans in the cemetery. Ms. McDaniel was buried with all the honors deserving at the Angelus Rosedale Cemetery in 1952 where she is to this day.

In 1999 after the his purchase of the Hollywood Cemetery, Tyler Cassity wanted to set things right and offered to have Ms. McDaniel's remains moved to the renamed Hollywood Forever cemetery. The remains were not moved from Angelus Rosedale, but a cenotaph was erected in her honour.

While this may seems a trivial matter, it is quite an ignorant and irritating mistake for a cemeteryan or an enthusiast of Los Angeles history to hear - both because it is blatantly wrong and because it erases an important part of history which shouldn't be forgotten.

A correction would be much appreciated - or better yet Ms. Jaffe should do a piece on the historical importance of Angelus Rosedale.

Angelus Rosedale Cemetery

2006-08-13T20:02:00.000-07:00

Life Parked in Los Angeles 1.0

2006-08-12T01:38:00.000-07:00

Life in Los Angeles - Holy Krishna!

2006-08-03T13:19:00.000-07:00

Ever since the Krishnas were banned at LAX I just haven't seen them around... Maybe it was that coupled with the waning gravitational pull of the 60's search for a guru.

I was out for a smoke a few minutes ago and what comes walking by on the opposite side of the street but a Krishna! Cymbals banging, stopping to try and chat up pedestrians passing him by. As I took another look, there was a large Rolls Royce right next to him on the street, which made me wonder if his guru was following him to make sure he was doing his work.

More and more there are little things that make me think Philip K. Dick was right about his depiction of Los Angeles in Blade Runner. We have talking cross walks now, but not flying cars - yet.

Life In Los Angeles - So exciting! So glamorous!

2006-07-27T17:05:00.000-07:00

I really wanted a nibble - it's that five o'clock hump at work. Pretzels and coffee just won't do so I go to the third floor to check out the vending machine for some sort of exotic sugary sweet. I find some sort of banana pancake for $1.25 - seems kind of steep to me, but I don't make a habit of it, so it's all right.

On my way to the vending machine I run into Kevin and he asks if I wanna walk across the street where he's gonna buy a coffee from Starbucks and check his lottery ticket.

I normally don't step foot in Starbucks - I wouldn't think The Man's coffee if they paid me - but I generally make an exception so I can bullshit with Kevin - Kevin of Jimson Weed Gazette fame...
He gets his cup of the coffee that's ruining America (and the planet) while I people watch. Closely shaved men in tight t-shirts with nonsensical "tribal" tattoos... Blah blah... Free samples of "iced" coffee. Right.

We walk around the corner so Kevin can check his lottery ticket in the little scanner thing they got at the magazine stand - I didn't know they had those scanners. I wonder what they do if you won? No one ever wins...

Hey! There's Dustin Hoffman looking at the magazines! Yup. Wearing shorts, sloped over, nose to the ink. I remember hearing somewhere that he's pretty anti-fan, so I try to encourage Kevin to go bug him. Kevin's checking his lotto ticket - I have to hold his extra cup of coffee so he can dig the ticket out of his pocket. Normally I wouldn't touch that plastic cup of overpriced bile, but I make an exception.

"That's Dustin Hoffman there," Kevin leans in and says as he swipes his LOTTO ticket. I assume he didn't win.

"Yup that's him there. Why don't you go bug him? I'm sure he's appreciate it."

Mr. Hoffman is just standing there, unmolested by anyone. Must be a slow tourist day that the Farmer's Market. Perhaps he's there for a meeting at CBS or something. I can't imagine anyone going to the magazine stand in the heat just for the fun of it.

As we walk away Kevin turns back to have another look - maybe he didn't think it was him. I usually never forget a face, so I know it was him.

Another exciting day in the big city.

The "Tar Pit"

2006-07-13T14:18:00.000-07:00

Took the dogs out for a walk last night - perhaps it was the heat.
The "tar pit" had a pungent odour - more so than normal.
Little burbles along the sidewalk - gotta watch out for the paws and feet.

Los Angeles Drive Time 1.0

2006-06-28T23:57:00.000-07:00

Typical drive on Los Angeles freeway...

CSUN May 28, 2006

2006-06-27T02:58:00.000-07:00

CSUN

2006-06-15T00:53:00.000-07:00

Spooky, deserted campus...

Someone's gotta defend our electronic rights...

2006-05-28T00:09:00.000-07:00

Find out more about the case here.

Sliding Doors

2006-05-21T23:41:00.000-07:00

Driving to work past the sliding doors.

Pitmatian

2006-05-21T01:03:00.000-07:00

Pitmatians are very good listeners...

May Day Celebration

2006-05-11T01:48:00.001-07:00

Kingdom - Animalia - an animal

Phylum - Chordata - with a spinal chord

Class - Mammalia - that breast feeds its children

Order - Lagomorpha - a rabbit, hare or pika

Family -Leporidae -a rabbit or hare

Genus - Chocolatus

Species - crispus

Vehicular Manslaughter is a Manly Trait...

2006-05-09T01:34:00.000-07:00

I'm driving back to work after dropping the hearse off at lunch. Not too much traffic and the weather's nice. I stop at the corner and prepare to make a right hand turn. The light is green in my direction, but there's a young man - I presume walking home from school for he's got a backpack and it's after 3 o'clock - he's crossing the street.
I wait for the fellow to step onto the sidewalk and slowly start to inch along. It's always good to check the right hand mirror just in case someone is trying for that quick sprint across the street on the flashing red hand or there's a bicycle on the sidewalk trying to get across... Nothing in my mirror - I move a little quicker.
- H O N K ! ! !
What the hell? Sounds like it's coming from behind me. I check around me just in case there's an old woman with a walker slithering into the intersection as they're bound to do as if materialized from a cloud of smoke. Nothing.
- H O N K ! ! !
Now what? I look in the rear view mirror and there's a man in the car behind me gesticulating as if there's a fire under his ass.
- H O N K ! ! !
All right, I guess he's in a hurry. I check the rear view mirror again just to make sure that I've identified him as the honker and then I start into my right hand turn again.

It's a beautiful turn. Smooth, precise, slow - as slow as I can make it while still moving at a safe speed. The street is narrow, which means that unless one makes a really tight turn, the best and smoothest turn in made into the left hand lane - not up to California Vehicle Code, but it's the best of the options. There's light traffic just before the end of day rush - as I smoothly complete my turn I straddle both lanes till I'm straight out of the turn and then slide to the left hand lane - smooth as silk.

In the meantime I'm peeking into my rear view mirror. The man behind me is going ape-shit! He doesn't know which lane to veer into. He's right on my ass - I'm sure he just wants to punch the accelerator, but can't. He's got nowhere to go. I'm smiling inside.

Honking at me in a situation where patience and great care is required will only succeed to redouble my resolve to be just that much more careful and patient.

Finally, I'm in the left hand lane on my merry way... I can hear the guys engine revving behind me as he punches it and is beside me. He slows down and shakes his fist out the window and leans his head out shouting:

You drive like a woman!

Yikes! Them is some strong words.

I wait till he passes me and looking in his rear view mirror. I throw up my hands in my best M. Butterfly impersonation and act like I'm shaking in my boots and squealing.
I've found that when other drivers are trying to give me some macho vibe of alpha male challenge the best way to get back at them is to totally confuse the hell out of their Cro-Magnon brains. Usually totally gimping out works best - the spastic chicken, the palsy shakes and if they're within hearing range, some beheying noises or cawing shrieks really throw people for a loop.

Mr. Speedy zooms off and about a couple hundred or so feet ahead he slams on his breaks for the red light. I take the same route to work every day and I know that chances are, if I'm going real fast, that light will be red and I'll have to stop anyway, so why bother hurrying to do noting?...

Irritating Intrusion 2.0 - Brownfield don't "get it".

2006-05-05T03:33:00.000-07:00

I rarely bother to write to papers like the LA Times because I figure they probably don't give a crap - but since I made the effort, here it is below. It's in reference to:

May 5, 2006
CRITIC'S NOTEBOOK: Guess who came to dinner
*Stephen Colbert's tart tongue inside Beltwood keeps blogs buzzing.
By Paul Brownfield, Times Staff Writer

Dear Times Calendar,

I think that Mr. Brownfield completely misses the point in his May 5, 2006 Critics Notebook piece, "Guess who came to dinner". I happen to be the "kind of loser" (according to Mr. Brownfield) that watches C-SPAN on a Saturday night and by the end of Stephen Colbert's speech my wife and I were laughing so loud and hard that our neighbours could hear us. It wasn't just that we found the humour funny, because it certainly was - we were also laughing because the presentation, in the dry, no nonsense C-SPAN way was perfect for the occasion and Stephen's presentation of sarcasm, satire and irony - something seemingly lost on Mr. Brownfield. We were giddy with joy as well - witnessing the first time in a long time that someone was calling it like it was (and is), not just with Mr. Bush a few feet away and unable to escape, but with a large portion of the D.C. faux-glitterati in attendance as well.

I know that Mr. Brownfield seems to be star struck with celebrities like Ludacris and Pittsburgh Steeler quarterback Ben Roethlisberger who were in attendance - but to my wife and I, it didn't make a difference seeing the trademark C-SPAN tight shot cutaway to Lawrence Fishburne laughing - it was the shots of Mr. Bush turning red with anger (as turning red with embarrassment doesn't seem possible at this point in his tenure) that impressed us.

It is a good thing that the clip of Stephen Colbert has taken on a life of it's own on the web and that bloggers are giving gut felt responses (both in favour and against) because from Mr. Brownfield's piece it is clear that reporters like him lack the sense of irony to report clearly on why this obscure speech at a Saturday night D.C. corporate dinner - only watched by "losers" on C-SPAN - has gained such momentous buzz. It is precisely because Stephen Colbert played to a room full of stiffs "watching to see if the CEO deems it OK to laugh" and it made no difference in his performance. Anyone who is a regular viewer of the Colbert Report knows that he didn't pull any punches and was true to his character - and this is exactly why we do watch his show every night.

Sad to say, but there is a lot more "truth" between the lines - and sometimes directly in them - presented within the dry humour of the Colbert Report, and it's kin, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart - when compared to contemporary pop-reporting striving to be fair and balanced which always seems to best succeed at timid self censorship. Had Mr. Brownfield been a little more attentive he would have realized that a better comparison of Colbert's "D.C. kiss-off" would have been Jon Stewart's last appearance on Crossfire where in a somewhat similar spirit he said what needed to be said and thus spoke for more Americans than the media, you included, realizes or wants to admit.

Dentist's Office

2006-05-04T00:43:00.000-07:00