Vehicular Manslaughter is a Manly Trait...

I'm driving back to work after dropping the hearse off at lunch. Not too much traffic and the weather's nice. I stop at the corner and prepare to make a right hand turn. The light is green in my direction, but there's a young man - I presume walking home from school for he's got a backpack and it's after 3 o'clock - he's crossing the street.
I wait for the fellow to step onto the sidewalk and slowly start to inch along. It's always good to check the right hand mirror just in case someone is trying for that quick sprint across the street on the flashing red hand or there's a bicycle on the sidewalk trying to get across... Nothing in my mirror - I move a little quicker.
- H O N K ! ! !
What the hell? Sounds like it's coming from behind me. I check around me just in case there's an old woman with a walker slithering into the intersection as they're bound to do as if materialized from a cloud of smoke. Nothing.
- H O N K ! ! !
Now what? I look in the rear view mirror and there's a man in the car behind me gesticulating as if there's a fire under his ass.
- H O N K ! ! !
All right, I guess he's in a hurry. I check the rear view mirror again just to make sure that I've identified him as the honker and then I start into my right hand turn again.

It's a beautiful turn. Smooth, precise, slow - as slow as I can make it while still moving at a safe speed. The street is narrow, which means that unless one makes a really tight turn, the best and smoothest turn in made into the left hand lane - not up to California Vehicle Code, but it's the best of the options. There's light traffic just before the end of day rush - as I smoothly complete my turn I straddle both lanes till I'm straight out of the turn and then slide to the left hand lane - smooth as silk.

In the meantime I'm peeking into my rear view mirror. The man behind me is going ape-shit! He doesn't know which lane to veer into. He's right on my ass - I'm sure he just wants to punch the accelerator, but can't. He's got nowhere to go. I'm smiling inside.

Honking at me in a situation where patience and great care is required will only succeed to redouble my resolve to be just that much more careful and patient.

Finally, I'm in the left hand lane on my merry way... I can hear the guys engine revving behind me as he punches it and is beside me. He slows down and shakes his fist out the window and leans his head out shouting:

You drive like a woman!

Yikes! Them is some strong words.

I wait till he passes me and looking in his rear view mirror. I throw up my hands in my best M. Butterfly impersonation and act like I'm shaking in my boots and squealing.
I've found that when other drivers are trying to give me some macho vibe of alpha male challenge the best way to get back at them is to totally confuse the hell out of their Cro-Magnon brains. Usually totally gimping out works best - the spastic chicken, the palsy shakes and if they're within hearing range, some beheying noises or cawing shrieks really throw people for a loop.

Mr. Speedy zooms off and about a couple hundred or so feet ahead he slams on his breaks for the red light. I take the same route to work every day and I know that chances are, if I'm going real fast, that light will be red and I'll have to stop anyway, so why bother hurrying to do noting?...